the wonders of selective grammar usage

Hot damn, I just deleted my nine-minute long audioblog.
You can all thank me later.

The past couple weeks have been an interesting mix of hectic and insane. There's so much going on right now that I'm both worried and excited about, but all I really want to do is sit amongst the falling snow and let it rest in my hair. I want to hold a flake in my hand, mourn its passing as it melts oh-so-quickly, and rejoice moments later when another lands upon me. It's like a rebirth of sorts. Makes me happy.

As for now, though, I'll sit alone in my cozy abode, poking away at The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe [NDS] and close up my Kim Possible: Kimmunicator [NDS] review. I'm expecting a box full of goodies from my East Coast cuddlebug (and when I say goodies, I mean Karaoke Revolution Party... amongst other games), and o the sixth, two things come out that I've been waiting for with bated breath -- Animal Crossing: Wild World and the newest issue of Pocket Games! I never thought that my name would be published anywhere in a gaming mag outside of the letters section, but it'll be here soon. I almost am waiting to buy it because I really don't believe it's true. It's surely a dream come true, and I have Kimi Matsuzaki (1UP's Community Editor) to thank.

About a week ago, I wrote up a post for my 1UP blog acknowledging my missed "anniversary"... but am more than a bit apprehensive about posting it. I guess that, even though my memories of that time have a veneer of cynicism (and with good reason), I really can't deny the impact that the site has had on me. Nick aside, 1UP was the catalyst for two things in my life. The first was GotNext -- I never would have been connected with Chris if it wasn't for my blog and the amount of non-effort (because honestly, blogging shouldn't take too much effort) put into it. The other is that I met some great people on there, and while I may not talk to most of them anymore, they really were a driving force. They helped change my life.

It's December now. I keep on trying to reconcile myself with this, because in many ways I feel that not only had my year begun in May, but my life in general. To think that I'm going to have a chance at a new year so soon really trips me out. So much has happened to me in these past six, seven, eight months... so much indeed. What was just a shell of an existence was made whole again, and I really do have many of you to thank for that. As I go on, inching closer to spending time with my dear friends who have moved away... Christmas... New Year's... January 10th (when Nick lands here in Sea-Tac for two weeks and two days... I sometimes sink back and think about how I got to this point.

I can't wait for next year. I have Nick's graduation to look forward to, which hopefully also means a longer stay in Queens Village (and more time with Bill and Vin -- they're too awesome for words). Nick will get to meet my family, and in May I'll get to meet his father and stepmother. If I end up at Wal-Mart around bonus time, I may try socking that away so I can either: a) get myself over to Amherst for a weekend or so if Nick can't make it over here during Spring Break; or b) save up for a new computer/broadband/mp3 player. Dial-up is a hindrance, and while I'm making do, I'd rather have the convenience of always-on service. The connection situation is one of the main reasons why I've done away with AIM, actually.

Ah. Anyway.

I've never been one for resolutions; I've accepted the fact long ago that, in my case, they only lead to broken dreams. However, my only resolution will be this: keep going forward. What else is there to do, really?

I've been sitting here, trying to mash together a skills-based resume. Under duress, the words that keep appearing on the page feel like a forgery, plagiarism, lies. I can't seem to keep my story straight, yet all I worry about is how I'm going to make this thing stand out. Be different. Stunning.

It's a fact -- when it comes to the printed word, I'm as shallow as can be.

My true colors come out in autumn, it seems. Maybe it's directly affected by the lack of sunlight -- the chlorophyll slowly draining from my face, coating the puddles of rain outside my doorstep with a pearly film. That seasonal disorder with its fitting acronym, SAD... I don't think I actually have that, mind you, but it's fun to play doctor and misdiagnose yourself every now and then. Something to pass the time.
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My list of titles to review is growing by leaps and bounds. D.I.C.E. (PS2), Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (DS), The Nightmare Before Christmas (PS2), Animaniacs: Lights! Camera! Action! (DS), and most likely when I'm done with two of those mentioned, Zoo Tycoon (DS) and Bratz: Rock Angelz (GC).

... I just read that list aloud, and realized that I'm crazy.

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Last night, I got a message on MySpace from someone from the Ridge that was in Newspaper, and today I found that another found me through LiveJournal. See, now these are the reasons why I don't mind putting myself out there to an extent, because these are two people I don't mind finding me. The whole drama at work regarding people reading another's MySpace and gossiping about it is the main reason why I tried to tuck myself away in this little corner as much as possible. I don't want them to find me or my friends and use their vicious retail barbs for their sick little mindgames. I'm very close to deleting that MySpace account.

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Karissa, a coworker, and I were sharing our experiences as "tomboys" last night at work. She was more of the jock breed, where I was (obviously) the geek type. She's a gorgeous girl -- v. tall, v. slender, wonderful features -- so it was surprising to find that she went through many of the same things I did while growing up. We have a lot in common, though, be it in past relationships or just plain interests (we both prefer sniping and sniping alone during Halo parties).

Lumping this in with the work stuff...
I went to go pick up my pictures at work today, and my MoMoMo was the lucky stiff who developed them. When I opened up the envelope, a note fell out with an outburst of love and affection. Even though there are days where I yearn for random bouquets just because (Karissa and Wendy via samedi) or even just the "I was just in the neighborhood -- let's go to lunch" deals, it's those little things that mean just as much to me.

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I wish I had broadband right now. I'm craving some OC Remix goodness, mmhmm. Even though Orange County has immortalized by the nighttime soap (which I've never seen, mind you) as such, OC to me will always mean Overclocked and trigger thoughts of remixes galore.

I'm so addicted to Trauma Center: Under the Knife.  Excellence has always been one of my weaknesses when it comes to gaming.

One of the things that people have been bringing up in their reviews for Trauma Center is that if you want to be a completionist, you'll drive yourself absolutely batty.  Now, while I've been consistently awarded Rank B: Specialist at the end of each surgery (with the occasional C, A, and one S), I have no desire to go back and S-Rank everything in this game.  That would completely ruin the experience for me.

It's the same feeling I have towards Gitaroo Man.  If I were to try to force myself through Master Mode, knowing full well that it'd take a long time to get through it and learn the patterns, it'd take this game that makes me so happy and turn it into a thing of frustration.  I'll never let anything ruin the joy of pummeling Zowie or stitching up a patient.

Oh, and that Nerd/Geek/Dork test that everyone's been taking?  Totally an Outcast Genius, baby.

( What's an Outcast Genius? Someone who edits the actual text of the meme. )

Coffee.
Coffee and cigarettes.
Coffee and cigarettes and honey and humming and oh god I'm starting to believe that this past weekend didn't even happen.
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Going back to work has quickly reminded me of how much I don't want to be back at work. At the same time, though, the monotonous pacing that is synonymous with retail is a sort of respite from thinking and deliberating over all these different things around me. This dull existence does get in the way of all of my other side projects -- writing those things for Pocket Games, contributing to Game Time with Mister Raroo (a gaming 'zine done by a 1UPper and his wife), my GotNext reviews, and just plain enjoying the games that I really want to play. I mean, I've got We Love Katamari and Trauma Center: Under the Knife in my possession at this very moment, and yet I'm not playing either of them. EESH.

People in "the industry" (and I say this with the utmost amount of disdain possible) say that when you begin to review games in a professional fashion, it begins to take the joy out of gaming itself.

They're right.
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I read somewhere the other day that someone decided to become a writer, and the response they got was that one doesn't decide to be a writer. It got me thinking, which made me long for the emptiness that was lining up the towels neatly in a row. More often than not, work is just another escape from what should be life.

If I could go through life and be happy as a salesfloor associate, as a secretary, as a manager somewhere, I'd easily choose that path. The thing is, writing is all I truly know. It's the thing that was always there for me, and the one thing that I know for an undeniable fact will always be there for me. There are times where I think I understand love or sorrow or the smell of rotting tomatoes after they've been in my kitchen sink for a week. The realization's jarring, much like the coughs that ravage my body on an hourly basis -- my only understanding comes from expressing these disjointed thoughts and nascent verbal images.

People say I'm a pessimist because I tear down my abilities constantly. I look at it as brutal honesty, the kind of constructive criticism that I'd expect from myself. I'm not a great writer by any means, and I've always been aware that there are loads of people out there trying to build a foundation of security with their words, and I'm just trying to keep myself afloat. I wouldn't choose to be a writer if I had a choice... it seems more like a goddamned curse than anything else.
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The dynamics all around me are shifting. I can feel it. Change is on the way, yet all I can think about is how I can make the days fly by even faster until Monday... Thursday... Friday... January. Hell, maybe even December if I can find a new job with holiday allowances.

I close my eyes and pretend that my world isn't spinning only to find myself curled up on the floor, my intestines twisted and coiled.
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Sanus, Sir Matt, and Mo keep me sane enough to get through the day... therefore, you can thank the letters M and S for this post.

Playing Pump it Up: Exceed* isn't good for what should be my kicking back time, but I've got to do something or else I'll scream as loud as my half-hoarse, half-gone voice will let me.

I tried to brave an errand run today once my father got home from the family shindig (I'd have gone, if it weren't for the fact that I'm effin' sick and I would've felt bad if the birthday boy caught anything from his oldest cousin). Yeah... it technically worked, but the whole time I was just sore all over and hot beyond belief. I hope I'm not running a fever... or becoming a hypochondriac.

There's this place that opened up a few doors down from samedi's old workplace called Bubble Heaven. The fresh fruit combo I had was quite delicious -- kiwi mango, yum -- but the incessant high pitched voice over the speakers taunting me about how I wish I was hot or something? The disaffected youth behind the counter that barely noticed I was there the whole time? All the writing on the Polaroids on the wall with the letter S replaced with a Z?

Hopefully the Legion Way haunt's more palatable, drinks and otherwise.

As for Exceed, I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. The diagonal thing's not hard to get used to at all (except when doubles are concerned, eesh), and the music selection's quite nice. Vivaldi's "Winter" continues to kick my ass to high heaven, though. I called Gamestop and EB to see what the trade-in value would be, though... and $22 is the best I can get for it. $22?! To hell with that, I say. The game's still entertaining me, and if keeping it means that I have to wait until... forever to play Trauma Center or Phoenix Wright, then I guess that's my fate. Anyway, I'd feel kinda bad trading in my first supplied game from GotNext. It'd be like selling a memory for a candy bar.

I can't stress enough how much I suck at Exceed, though, a point I drive home quite a bit in the review. In Nick's rundown of the trip, he mentions that we're going play some DDR either on Friday or Saturday. Now, I'm hoping that we're speaking the same language, and that "we" translates into "Vin and I" or just "I, Nick, by myself" because there's no way you're going to get me to embarrass myself on those godforsaken machines in front of people. Nope. Nuh-uh. Even Tipsy Luana'd say no to that.

* - Oh, and I've decided that for LiveJournal purposes, the Umilicious Stylebook deems that all game titles will be bolded, since quotations don't feel right and I like to italicize for emphasis. Good lord, a reference material for my LiveJournal. I've reached new geeky lows.

I know, I know, it's cool to hate on 1UP and all, but when they have people like Tetsuya Mizuguchi making posts like this, then it's hard to bag on them.  I've always been an avid admirer of his work, and I can easily say the same for his posts.  I can't wait for Every Extend Extra, personally.  Sometimes, you know when something is right up your alley, and it looks like E3 (the game! the game!) will be that very thing.

I'm being a slacker now, though -- I've got to run some errands, pick up a couple of things on the West Side, and then go home and finish my editorial, my blog post, and start exceeding at pumpin' it up.

Oh, and I need to take a "sexy" picture that lampoons the sexy avatars and such that all these women use.  It's for my editorial, and Chris thought it'd be funny if I did something like that to spoof 'em all.  I have no idea what to do, though... any thoughts?

Now, I could make a substantial post about... something substantial, but instead I'm just going to drool over this baby.

Okay, so it may be another wannabe throwaway system, but for that price? Those features? I'm wanting one SO BAD.

Thanks, Doctor S., for making my mechanical heart beat just a bit faster.

===========

In other gaming news, I have come to a conclusion that I never thought I'd come to -- GamePro is now one of the more compelling magazines on the market.

How did she come to this ludicrous conclusion?

I've been getting free GamePros in the mail for some time, and every few months or so, I'd actually read one of them rather than just let Lor use them as scissor feed. Today, I picked the November issue and gave it a shot.

Its layout is gorgeous.
The articles are well-written and mature (hate speech in games and the (no pun intended) advent of mature Christian games amongst the regular ilk).
All in all, it's polished beyond belief.

Now, I haven't read Game Informer in a while (my last known favorite), but it looks like if GamePro can keep this up, then they'll easily take the title of best game mag.

Lorelei just boarded a bus today for the first time and I was left behind, watching it carry her away to her first day of school.

(sigh)

In other news, I'm in the midst of writing a scathing post re: that stupid stupid club for my 1UP blog. I'm sure that it'll make me tons of new friends -_- but honestly, the people who would stick up for "organizations" like that aren't really worth crying myself to sleep over because they deleted me off of their friends list.

I'll post the entry here, too, when I'm done. As I told Matt last night, it's not going to be "OMG U LOOSERZ" quality, but I'm not going to hold back, either.

It's crap like this that make me shudder when called a "girl gamer".

Not many things drive me to swear in this world. This "clan" is one of them.

Okay, so here's the deal: bold all the songs in the Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan soundtrack that you absolutely can't get enough of.

01. Asian Kung-Fu Generation - Loop & Loop [3:44]
02. 175R - Melody [4:13]
03. Morning Musume - Koi no Dance Site [4:29]
04. Ulfuls - Guts Da Ze!! [3:44]
05. nobodyknows+ - Kokoro Odoru [4:11]
06. Tomoyasu Hotei - Thrill [4:42]
07. The Blue Hearts - Linda Linda [3:22]
08. B'z - Atsuki Kodou no Hate [4:06]
09. Kishi-dan - One Night Carnival [4:59]
10. Road Of Major - Taisetsuna Mono [3:10]
11. Linda Yamamoto - Horiuchi [2:22]
12. Yaida Hitomi - Over The Distance [4:09]
13. ORANGE RANGE - Shanghai Honey [2:55]
14. The Yellow Monkey - Taiyo Ga Moteiru [5:35]
15. L'Arc~En~Ciel - Ready Steady Go [3:49]

... I think that sums it up pretty damn well, if you ask me.

So... yes.
Lots of stuff have been going on in the last couple of days. I could put it in a bulleted list, but we're not doing that right now. I'll stick with the old-fashioned Luana-ramble that you're all used to by now (or, at least, I hope you're used to it).

Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan came in on Monday, and boooooy, is it awesome or what? It's very reminiscent of Gitaroo Man, in both the humor and the gameplay. Oh, and the fact that the final level is kicking my ass hardcore. HARDCORE. The music is absolutely fantastic; it's apparently composed of popular Japanese rock/pop tunes over the years, and since I've had them stuck in my head all day long, I downloaded Bittorrent and now and in the process of waiting... waiting... waiting for them. Between the various Naruto intro/ending themes and Ouendan, my interest in Japanese popular music is really starting to grow.

Work-wise... it's been slow at the store, but I really think that's to make up for all the drama at Deeko. Good lord, THE DRAMA. I won't go into it any more here, for I don't think that it would be either appropriate professionally or personally (even though this is my blog), but man. It's crazy. Things are looking damn good in the GotNext corner, though -- not only do I have my latest contribution to GotGame up, but also my concise review of Nintendogs that, while I'm rather unsettled by, has some good traits that I'm proud of. In a recent e-mail, Chris informed me that I'm ready to make the jump from freelancer to regular reviewer, which means supplied games! :0 So excited. Of course, my next review? Ouendan.

Talked to Pat last night for some time. It has been decided that our parents are to be exchanged -- not for each other's, mind you, but just in general. While we love our parents, there're some things that are... shall we say lacking. Can't say more without compromising our... whatever's to be compromised, but yeah. 'Twas a relaxing conversation, to say the least.

I decided last night that it'd be a good idea to grab my flight information for the tandem NYC trip that Georgia and I were taking, so I checked my email and OMG NOOOOOOOO. We weren't coming in on Friday morning after all, but on Saturday. NOOOOOOOO
This just couldn't be (for I have to cover Digital Life on Friday for GotNext), so I panicked a bit before checking prices and then left Nick a hasty email of woe. Instead of us just settling for two days and one night, he went ahead and got me a ticket for a Thursday morning departure... so it's now three days and three nights. I mean, I can have dinner with him and his mom!

I'm starting to get very very excited now. I guess, when you get down to it, I really am a small-town girl in comparison to living somewhere as... metropolitan as New York City. Not only that, but the airline I'm flying on, Delta Song, is pretty damn fancypants for the price (Nick) paid. There's a screen on every seat -- every seat! -- so you can watch fairly new releases, and you can preorder meals. Actual meals. They're not cheap, mind you, but just look at the screenshot, dude. It actually looks comfy cozy and all. Now it's just telling my parents that they need to drop me off early early and that I'm staying with Nick and his mom. :0

Crazy.

Georgia said today that I was only to pay her back half the money owed since I only was using one of the tickets. Let it be known that this is my public statement of refusal. I refuse to comply with this, lady. I swear, if it means me getting you awesome birthday gifts for the next three years or so, then so be it. I will pay you back somehow. MARK MY WORDS.

Anyway, I went ahead and did some meme thing, and since I totally forgot the bio for swoontastic at home, I guess I can just go and scrounge up some food before crashing. Life's hectic, but in a happy way. I'm glad to be livin' it.

( memeriffic interests quiz )

Now, mind you, I don't normally read things on the home page of 1UP.com -- that would require either going to the home page or even just going there -- but there was this story on a peripheral from Hori... and seeing how I'm a peripheral junkie, I had to give it a looksie.

First off, the spoon-and-fork peripheral is nothing new -- I remember reading about it in a friend's 1UP blog, oh, in May.  MAY.  The thing that really stuck out to me, though, was the second paragraph in general.  Ah, Jane.  When you began writing for the mainstream media, did you have to trade in your basic sentence construction skills for a pay raise?

"You strap [the peripheral] on and, as demonstrated in the photo below, it causes your thumb to move back and forth absurdly quickly, far faster than a human can actually move it under his own power. Which is great for two things that I can think of, one of which is depicted in the photo: it lets you shoot that much faster in arcade-style shooter games."

Um... yeah.  I didn't realize that news articles were actually blog posts, and that two sentences could actually sound better as a run-on sentence in my head.  Come on, people! Isn't it obvious that, instead of "which", the sentence should start with something more like "it" or "the device" or an actual subject?

I don't know... the more I see the industry settle for such mediocrity, the more I wonder about how much I really want to break into it.

Holy crap.

So, I'm under the impression that a few of you would understand the content of this page: http://www.nintendo.co.jp/ds/aosj/

Will anyone please please please give me a rough translation? If you could, I would love you forever (for most of you, in a very platonic way).

I'm updating too much.  Now, my LiveJournal priveleges will be revoked.  Eek.

However, I did update my 1UP blog, finished my review for Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life, and wrote a short commentary for Got Game (the latter two were for Got Next -- tomorrow, it's copy-editing day for you Deeko lovers out there!).

It's weird... when I get the urge, I have to go with it right then and there lest I lose the passion.  I really like my review this time around -- rather than the paint-by-numbers deals that both my Sprung and Wario Ware: Touched reviews felt like, this one was way more Luana.  I hate writing reviews with a passion mainly because of slipping into those formulaic tendencies and ruts, but this review is different.  Basically, it's written in the format of a letter to Natsume.  Chris liked the idea, so I just clickity-clacked away.

It's weird, because I had an extremely good day today, and usually happiness != creativity. I'll take what I can get, though! XD

I kinda went into a variant on what my nixed-for-the-time-being gender thing would have been in my commentary.  I hope it goes over well.

As for preparations, I'm pretty much packed.  Found my black hoodie, and ran off to JCPenney's to pick up the tank for my date outfit.  Oh. My. Lord.  I fit a medium shirt.  A MEDIUM.  That's crazy talk right there.  Tomorrow I'm going to spend the rest of my money on a green shirt and purple pants for my Otakon outfit, and my mom's going to work on my headpiece on the next couple of days.  She says it'll be easy enough to do, and I trust her.  She's one hell of a seamstress, I tell you -- my whole family is.  Chris, you really should fly over here sometime and just watch them all go.  It's fantastic.  I could start a sweatshop and make them all work for free.  I still remember Tsao telling me years ago that my name was meant to be on a label: "What are you wearing?" "Oh, it's a Luana Rawlins."

I can't believe I wasn't able to talk to Jeb on his birthday.  What a loser of a best friend I must be. -_- I hope your plans were spifftastic, dear.

I've hit a brick wall.  I need some inspiration.

Until that moment comes, here's a sneak peek of my piece:

You may be asking yourself, "... but why should women sacrifice their femininity in exchange for acceptance from their so-called 'peers'?"  As is with any other question I'm bound to pose in this piece, both the answer and the reasoning behind it are murky at best.  A woman's innate sensuality is not something that is to be ashamed of or hidden away -- however, I do feel that it is a weapon that too often is wielded for the wrong reasons.  Do many of us want to be considered equals by our fellow male gamers?  I think so.  I just don't think that many of us are going about it the right way, that's all.

subtitled: "i am so wearing my PA shirt to work now"

It's so weird.

I read the PA news post today, like the good gamer that I am, and saw Tycho's reference to a glowing scorpion.  Went to the archives, thought for a moment, and the first comic I chose -- the first, I kid you not -- was that very comic.

Now, either they've gone back and edited radioactive arachnids into every single PA strip in the archives, or I'm just that big of a PA geek.

I don't know if this would pump up my desirability quotient to other gamers, or if it just cements the fact that I, indeed, am just one of the boys. Hot or not? You decide.

So, Ken works in Inventory Control (I think that's what the "IC" in "ICS" stands for...?) and I work in Housewares and Domestics, so the two of us are always playfighting. While we were both acting macho to "intimidate" the other, he spouted some movie quote and asked me what it was from. "I have no idea -- I don't watch movies all that much," I told him.

"You must be big on music, then," he replied.

I thought about it. "Well, I guess so... music and video games."

"Video games?" He gave me a quizzical look. "Nah." I pointed to my shirt -- it was my E3 polo, one of my favorite wear-to-work shirts. If only he knew of the PMS clan shirt I was sporting underneath, but not only is it somewhat inappropriate to flash your coworkers, I just don't think a shirt that promotes a group of women who are "psychotic man slayerz" is really work-safe. "We'll see about that," he told me.

I didn't give it another thought because I was mega-busy today (and running on an hour of sleep -- thank you, mister <3) until I was zooming past Foods and heard my name being called out. After grabbing what I needed, I hurried back over there to see what the hubbub was all about.

"What'd you need, Ken?"

"I've got a question for you."

"Shoot." I was getting impatient -- the sales floor was packed and my assistant manager, Claud (also known as the hard-ass out of all of them), was walking through Domestics with a clipboard. Not knowing what the hell that meant, it made me unseasonably nervous.

"Okay, in God of War..."

"Yeeeeeees?"

"... what's the name of the main character that you play as?"

I didn't miss a beat. "Kratos." Right as I was walking back to my area, I looked back over my shoulder to see a fairly short redhead with mouth agape.

The moral of the story? If you're going to try to stump me with gamer knowledge, please don't ask me about the one game that PS2 owners across the land have been simultaneously orgasming about for about three months now.

Normally, I don't promote my 1UP stuff here, but I'm rather proud of how this thingy turned out.  I'm still doing some tweaking... got to get all my linkage in and whatnot, but man.  I like this a lot.